


Anyone But You

by Ardra, Lotus12



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Honestly not sure what to tag, M/M, lil cal is a devious unholy muppet, struggling with duty vs love, struggling with following religion, tsundere karkat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 10:40:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11689938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ardra/pseuds/Ardra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotus12/pseuds/Lotus12
Summary: Gamzee. an unofficial servant of the spirits speaking through the conduit of Lil Cal, is ordered to kill someone he really cares about.But what will he do?





	Anyone But You

**Author's Note:**

> Lotus: This is an RP Ardra and I have been doing, and we decided that since it is plot driven, we'd go ahead and post it here for the sake of it. I myself play Karkat and a few minor characters, Ardra plays Gamzee and likely a few other minor characters. Enjoy the story!

Gamzee stood in the middle of one of the empty hallways. His hands up into his hair near the base of his horns. Over his shoulder, the green suited puppet draped bonelessly, blue eyes staring lifelessly but still so alive.

**mih llik**

Gamzee swallowed as he lowered his hands and pulled the doll off his shoulder. He turned it to him, to face him, to speak clearly, "I hear ya... I got them all, in the spots they be needin' ta be. All lined up nice and pretty, just like you be askin' me."

There was a soft buzzing messaged the back of his skull. Pleasantly cool but demanding. It wanted more, demanded more and by its aspects would get more. Gamzee tilted his head, looking at the doll, "Okay. I can be up and doin' more. What?"

His blood was hot now, achingly so. It curled in his veins and he knew what it wanted. What all highbloods want. Blood. Who better to start with than the one that should've died as a grub? Gamzee's far away gaze snapped back into focus suddenly, "Karkat?"

 

_Karkat himself was off somewhere in some room, talking with Dave about some fucking bullshit neither of them really cared about. The conversation itself was meaningless, but Karkat could care less. All he really did was rant and make dramatic gestures like the Nubs McShouty he really was. Dave was just reciprocating with his cool-kid façade and ironic spiels. Eventually, at some point, the conversation just became about shitty romcoms and the dumb rotating hatedate plan Karkat wanted to put in place between him, Dave, and Terezi, to which Dave responded with his usual response of "oh hell no karkat we've been over this i'm not going to engage in your stupid rotating hate date plan fuck no". Though, the thought of Terezi kept making Karkat wonder. Something wasn't right about her lately. Neither Dave nor Karkat had really seen Terezi around all that much. And, for the record, Karkat had neither seen Gamzee around. After seeing so many of his friends die, two of them by Gamzee's hand, Karkat had all around been worried, but even more so than a normal Moirallegiance would insinuate._

"yo? karks? you with me?"

_Dave's voice brought Karkat out of his thoughts._

"I'M FINE. WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT EARTH MOVIES AGAIN?"

 

Gamzee captchalogued the doll, having found no further use in it before he started to make his way down the halls. Maybe finding and messing with Terezi would clear his head. She was easier to mess with at times. He wasn't much of a fan of doing it, he didn't really get anything substantial out of it besides knowing he was doing what he was supposed to be doing. Instead, he just headed down the halls until he heard the familiar tone of Karkat's voice. The buzzing edged on him, making him wince and step back from the opening of the room. No.

 

_Karkat continued to talk with Dave, again not really saying anything noteworthy, just small talk about movies. As much as Karkat's talk was certainly not so small. Ahem. Though, he was completely oblivious to his moirail outside, not caring anyways._

"anyways, karks, i'm gonna hit some hay, like a true ironic dude always does. don't bother asking what that means."

"I DON'T NEED TO FUCKING KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING IRONY, YOU FUCKASS. GO RECUPERATE IN YOUR HUMAN BED OR WHATEVER. I HAVE SOME ROMANCE MOVIES TO FUCKING EDUCATE MY APPARENTLY RUSTED THINKPAN WITH."

"kay. later dude."

_And with that, Dave exited the room, not even seeing Gamzee._

 

Gamzee watched him leave, eyes narrowed as he did so. He really didnt like that guy, and it didn't help that his puppet friend was keen on him going down as well. He was always buzzing about how the red knight had to be put down. He would deal with that later, instead he headed to the door way and peeked his head in. He looked around before he gave a lopsided smile when he noticed Karkat, "Hey, Karbro. You all alone up in here?"

 

_Karkat jumped, having not expected Gamzee to just suddenly be there. He relaxed quickly, though, turning to face the clown, typical blank glare on his face, the usual mask he wore to by all means hide his blood colour._

"HEY, GAMZEE. AND YEAH, I'M ALONE. WHAT DOES IT MATTER?"

 

Gamzee gave him a passive smile, "Nah. Not really. Got time for a motherfucker?" he asked, walking into the room fully. He still wore his polka dot pants and black shirt, but that would be changing once he got all the pieces together.

 

"YEAH, OF COURSE. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK YOU SOMETHING."

_Karkat's voice remained scratchy since he overstrained it all the time by shouting every word he said. But, it also gave the Cancer a sort of gruff charm, one that showed little to nothing about who Karkat really was on this inside. Yeah, he might shout and scream and claim everyone to be fuckasses, but he still did have a heart, still did feel fear, still did cry sometimes when he was fully alone. And lately, that inner caring Karkat subtly showed was in the form of concern for Gamzee in this particular moment._

 

Gamzee looked surprised at his admition. He shook it off before he smiled to him, showing him his teeth, "Somethin' botherin' ya? Need a jam session?" he asked, stepping forward towards the toher a little more.

 

_Karkat took a deep breath. He wasn't ready for this, but he knew he might not have another chance._

"WHAT'S BEEN UP WITH YOU? YOU'RE NEVER AROUND ANYONE ANYMORE. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU, GAMZEE."

_Karkat needed to find out. He need to make sure he wasn't getting into trouble, hurting Terezi or anyone else. Yeah, Rose and Kanaya had each other, Dave had the mayor, Sollux had disappeared with Aradia awhile back, but Gamzee and Terezi. . . They've both been unnecessarily rare. It was confusing._

 

Gamzee tensed up before he folded his arms over his stomach as if to protect it, "Nothin' much, palebro. Not much to be doin' around here, is there?" he shifted a little his eyes down cast to the floor. Karkat would be upset with him if he found out he'd been messing around with Terezi. He didn't want Karkat to be mad at him, or even disappointed. He was selfish enough that he wanted to keep this going a little while longer. It felt nice.

 

"WELL, YOU ARE KNOWN TO SIT AROUND AND DO NOTHING BUT FUCKING EATING SLIME ALL DAY. I GUESS I CAN'T BLAME YOU TOO FUCKING MUCH."

_Karkat let out a sigh. Even with that, it was still strange how scarce Gamzee had been._

"AND FOR THAT MATTER, TEREZI'S BEEN THE SAME WAY."

_He had a feeling he'd regret admitting that._

 

Gamzee titled his head away, looking a little to his right, "I ain't be gettin' my notice on with her. She an' I weren't much to be seein' one another before we got to be here anyways. I did be finding some cool things in the vents of this here place. All sorts of fun shit to keep ya pan interested."

 

_Karkat narrowed his eyes. For a moment he speculated that maybe Gamzee and Terezi had been meeting up, but let it go in the end. At least for now._

"AT LEAST YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING YOURSELF BUSY."

"I WORRY ABOUT YOU."

_Those last four words were heavy. It was like no Moirallegiance even existed between Karkat and Gamzee. It weighed on Karkat like it weighed on him watching everyone fall apart. Knowing Vriska killed Tavros, Terezi killed Vriska, Eridan killed Feferi, knocked out Sollux, and temporarily killed Kanaya, Kanaya killed Eridan, and that Gamzee himself killed both Equius and Nepeta. That day, Karkat had failed. And now, it felt like Karkat had failed all over again._

 

Gamzee felt a tightness in his chest that he hadn't before. He looked to Karkat, eyes wide before he swallowed, "You do?"

 

"WELL, YEAH."

"LOOK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU OF ALL PEOPLE GET IT."

"BUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LEADER."

"AND I LET EVERYONE FALL APART."

"LIKE SOME. . . SOME FUCKING VASE THAT WAS GLUED TOGETHER BY A WRIGGLER."

"EVERYONE DIED BECAUSE I COULDN'T KEEP US TOGETHER." "YOU'RE MY LAST CHANCE, OKAY?"

_Karkat forced himself to breathe. It wasn't often he let himself genuinely express his emotions. T_ _hat would just spell disaster for him._

 

Gamzee watched him, stunned before he stepped forward, opening his arms in offering him to come to him for comfort. The buzzing returned, wanting him to push Karkat away, to ignore his pain but he couldn't. He couldn't do that anymore than he could throw that doll into the sun as they passed it. When Karkat came to him, he wrapped his arms around him protectively, holding him close to him and making soft shushing and cooing noises, "You ain't gotta be thinkin' on that, Karbro. You did yer best, yeah?"

 

_Karkat's breathing was stiff, like he was keeping back tears._

_But it wouldn't matter, right?_

_After all, everyone knew his blood colour by this point. It wouldn't matter anymore if he cried. Slowly, unsurely, his arms wrapped around Gamzee's bigger-yet-thinner frame, breath slow and forced._

"MY BEST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH."

 

"It'll be okay, Karbro. everything will happen the way it should. You'll see." he said softly, leaning down and pressing his face between the other troll's small horns. He let a small rumbling purr come from him, trying anything he could think of to comfort the other.

 

_Karkat, surprisingly, stayed silent. His arms remained limp around Gamzee, his head pressed into his chest like a small child._

_It was. . . So unlike him._

_But then again, Karkat had changed a lot since their time on Alternia. Karkat had watched everyone die, even faced a form of death himself. That alone can change people._

_And even now, being in Gamzee's arms. . ._

_Why did this highblood feel so precious to him?_

_Somewhere in his head, Karkat felt not only pale emotions, but also the pricklings of something else._

_. . And he wasn't sure he wanted to explore it._

 

Gamzee nuzzled against his hair and horns, purring softly, "It'll be okay. I got cha, best friend." he said, looking over at the wall as he processed what he was doing. This was going beyond pale but he didn't seem to care. Why would it matter? Not like there was anyone else around to compete with. Why couldn't he do what ever he wanted?

 

_Karkat's embrace was stiff, unsure, uncaring. He didn't want to say anything in this moment, if only for fear of ruining it._

_Why did he feel like this?_

_Why did he feel like he was starting to feel flushed?_

_After what Gamzee had done before. . ._

_It scared him to even think of the possibility of being flushed for GAMZEE of all people._

_They were just. . . Meant to be Moirails. . ._

_. . . Right?_

 

"You let those thoughts leave you. Lay them on me. We can get to talkin' about it." Gamzee said as he leaned his face down to nuzzle the warm flesh that barely came from inside the neck of Karkat's sweater, a more possessive chirring noising now coming from him.

 

_Karkat let a heavy breath go._

"OKAY."

_Karkat pulled away so they could communicate easier, as much as he didn't want to. In that moment, Karkat looked so. . . Vulnerable. His gaze set on the floor like he wasn't sure if he wanted to say what he had to say, his hands stiffly in his lap, though the latter was a little more common. Karkat felt his heart pound; he trusted Gamzee as a Moirail, but. . ._

"WHERE DO YOU WANT TO START?"

 

Gamzee gave a small whine of protest when Karkat pulled away before he smiled to him, "Beginin's probably all the best."

 

"WHAT BEGINNING?"

_Karkat's frown deepened. The fucking "beginning" was the session itself, for fuck's sake._

"I MESSED UP WITH YOU, OKAY? I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN YOU FALLING APART, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN."

"AND NOW LOOK AT US."

"HALF OF US ARE DEAD, AND WE'RE STUCK ON A METEOR FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS."

 

Gamzee watched him, "We wasn't moirails before we got here. Why you think ya had to keep me together? I just did what my caste said to do. It's not a big deal."

 

_Karkat's lips curled up in a sort of snarl at himself, gaze hardened. He honestly didn't know what to say, though most of that was due to his mind going batshit insane with flushed and pale emotions. He couldn't tell Gamzee about this. . . Right?_

_His eyes flicked over to where Gamzee was sitting._

_The amber dotted with black was unreadable. . ._

 

Gamzee looked to him giving him the softest smile he could, "You're something special, Karbro, but I can tell there be something heavy on your mind. Your face gets that pinched thing between ya eyes."

 

_Karkat's breath caught, and he looked away, crossing his arms._

"THERE'S. . . NOTHING ON MY MIND. YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS. THOSE EYE HOLES OF YOURS, THEY DON'T FUCKING WORK. OKAY YOU SAW NOTHING."

_Wow Karkat. So tsundere._

 

Gamzee chuckled, "They work just fine. I watched ya enough to know when you want to say something but yer pan be gettin' in tha way. You don't have to be hiding from me, Karkat. We there for eachother, right?"

 

_Karkat made the grouchiest face he could, blush beginning to form on his face. It glowed like candy red embers, as subtle as it was._

" . . . "

_For once, he had nothing to say. Gamzee had caught him red handed, and at this point, it seemed Karkat was at his most vulnerable, unable to fight back should anyone decide to attack._

 

Gamzee tilted his head, "You wrestlin with quadrants? Is that why ya so riled up? Maybe you finally settled on a flush or pitch crush? Are ya too embarassed to talk about 'em? Ya don't gotta be. I can listen and offer ya some gab, Kar."

 

_He grumbled, tensing up more. That meant yes. His fingers dug into his arms, blush growing a little more prominent._

" . . . YOUR SIGHT HOLES STILL DON'T FUCKING WORK."

_Sure, Karkat. Sure._

 

Gamzee blinked before he frowned, "You... aren't gonna talk to me and let me help ya, are ya?" Gamzee seemed to deflate, "I guess I would be the worse choice to talk to about this shit. Motherfucker like me ain't ever gonna get that myself so... I can see why ya don't wanna get all pale and jam with me." He shifted, "My look stubs work, Kar, but... Motherfucker can look all he want, don't mean he can help. I get ya."

 

_Karkat sunk a little bit. He was losing his grip here! He was still convinced that he and Gamzee were meant to be pale, but his emotions were telling him otherwise. This was complete chaos. But, he supposed, Gamzee WAS his moirail, and he shouldn't keep things from him. Karkat let a heavy sigh go before speaking again._

"NO, I JUST. . ."

"YES, I FEEL FLUSHED FOR SOMEONE."

 

Gamzee felt a weird jolt run through him. He pushed it aside as he looked up, "Ya do? That's good! You should get your gab on with them." He gave him a small smile, "You deserve some happiness, Karbro. Ya did a lot for everyone with no one givin' back ta ya."

 

_Karkat looked over at Gamzee, his expression defeated in a way._

"LOOK, GAMZEE. THERE'S NO WAY THE TROLL I'M FUCKING FLUSHED FOR LIKES ME BACK."

_As Karkat talked, he thought less about what he was saying. This was Gamzee. It was fine, was what his emotions kept telling him._

"ESPECIALLY WITH THE FACT THAT I ALREADY HAVE THEM IN ANOTHER QUADRANT. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN ALLOW FOR THEM TO BE IN ANY QUADRANT OTHER THAN MY PALE-"

_Karkat froze._

_Well, FUCK._

 

Gamzee froze. The air seemed to leave his lungs and tje world felt colder. So much colder.  
_He's... Flush for me?_  
"Me...?" He asked out loud, his hands gripping his pant legs to keep them from shaking.

 

_Karkat immediately put his hands over Gamzee's ears, face completely red in a blush._

"OKAY NO I DON'T. YOU HEARD NOTHING. I SAID NOTHING. THERE WERE NO TWO SENTENCES, NOTHING. THESE HEAR HOLES OF YOURS DON'T WORK. OKAY. YOU HEARD NOTHING."

 

_Did he just confuse one quadrant with the other?_

Gamzee looked to Karkat, swallowing hard.

_No. He... He can't be flush for me. He never made any indication of being flushed before. But he does have that thing where he does his talkin' without meanin' to._

Gamzee reached up, touching the hands on his ears, "You meant someone else?" He didn't mean for his voice to sound hurt as he asked but he had to be sure Karkat didn't mean to say another quadrant but slipped into pale because he was here.

 

_Karkat growled a little bit, face hot in complete fluster. His breath caught, and he all around just felt tense as all hell. He couldn't bring himself to respond, his mind and emotions clashing like armies._

_Damn it, Gamzee, you're the only quadrant I have, put two and two together. . ._

 

Gamzee tilted his head and leaned forward until their foreheads touched, "It's strange ya bein' so quiet. Ya meant me. I don't think ya have another quadrant." He made a soft noise, close to a purr before he looked down.

 

_Karkat just felt. . . Frozen. He wasn't expecting that. . ._

"YEAH, SURE, RUB IN MY ROMANTIC LONLINESS."

_Of course, mental self-defense, go straight to rage._

_Karkat was still in denial on the fact that a flushed quadrant would even work between them. . ._

 

Gamzee smiled before it slid off his face, "You... Maybe..." He trailed off. He couldn't do this. Not with knowing what he knew and what was going to happen. He already lost someone once he cared about, even if it was one sided. He shouldn't string Karkat along but his heart ached at the thought of brushing off the flush confession. we wouldn't work anyways. his dejected thoughts told him.

He looked back to Karkat, fighting himself tooth and nail, "Karkat. I..." He choked, he couldn't do it.

 

_Karkat finally decided, fuck everything, what else am I gonna do in the meantime, fuck it-_

_Before Gamzee could say another word, Karkat had crashed their mouths together, the Cancer's breathing fast and shaky. He didn't care. He didn't care._

 

Gamzee made a noise that sounded like a weirdly startled honk before he relaxed and enjoyed the kiss. He pressed back into it, hands reached up to cup the other's face. He let out a small, happy chirp as he tried to gently deepen the kiss. All thoughts escaped him, doubts and anything else.

**What am I doin'?! No!**

Gamzee suddenly pushed away, skin flushed purple at his ears, neck and what was visible under paint. He looked to Karkat, guilt welling in his stomach.

 

_Karkat relaxed in the kiss, his body and mind calming as Gamzee kissed him. Nothing mattered right now. . ._

_When Gamzee pushed him back, Karkat let out a startled gasp, and both trolls were left with flushed faces and the taste of a kiss on their tongues. Karkat's hands were on Gamzee's shoulders as the mutant-blooded troll looked at his Moirail quizzically, left completely speechless._

**I shouldn't do this. This be so wrong! This... I want this, though.**

Gamzee stared at him for a few seconds before he slowly leaned forward again and pressed their lips together much more softly. He immediately began to try and deepen it, wanting more. He would deal with the consequences another time. Right now, he felt stupidly happy for the first time in a very, very long time.

 

_And that was the moment Karkat stopped questioning shit._

_His eyes fluttered closed as the two trolls kissed, Karkat pressing his smaller body up against Gamzee. His kiss was surprisingly soft for being such a rage-filled person, but that didn't stop him from knowing his way in and out a romantic kiss, even if he never really had one. But, right now, it didn't matter. All Karkat wanted was Gamzee. That's all._

 

Gamzee felt bliss. He vaguely recalled being happy and content on Prospit, how it felt like nothing mattered but now he felt true happiness. He pulled Karkat closer, keepinf them going until he needed air and pulled away, purring softly as he did so. This was a different feeling than what he felt for Tavros. It was strange since he was sure he was flush for that troll but this emotion felt so much stronger, so much more powerful and so much more right.

_Karkat let him pull away, his own self not caring about breathing in this moment. His lungs would take care of that for him. Karkat's eyes were half-lidded as he looked at the other troll, breath coming in needy gasps, as subtle as details in the most intricate romance story._

"GAMZ. . ."

 

Gamzee purred loudly as he nuzzled against his neck, pulling him flush against him enough that Karkat had to straddle his lap. His hands roamed where they could as he tilted his head back, brushing his nose to Karkat's jaw, "Karkat." His voice was thick and needy as he slipped his hands under the other's sweater to touch the smooth skin of his sides.

 

_Karkat lifted himself up a bit, placing his arms on Gamzee's shoulders and intertwining his fingers behind the highblood's back. He leaned his head back, a shiver going up his spine from Gamzee's touch. Man, he loved romance, but didn't know it'd feel THIS great._

 

Gamzee shivered as well, nuzzling the under side of his jaw before he pulled back to look to the other, "We can take it slow if ya wanna." He ran his fingers over the other's back, and hips as he swallowed thickly.

 

"Y-YEAH. LET'S TAKE IT SLOW."

_Karkat was grateful for that. As good as it felt, and as much as he wanted, he couldn't dive into this too quickly. He was afraid of getting attached after seeing so many of his friends die._

 

Gamzee smiled lop sidedly as if drunk, "You really are somethin' special, Karbro. Can we just be relaxin' like this for a spell?"

 

"Y-YEAH. YEAH."

_Karkat settled down, all of his knowledge on romance and how to romance right completely leaving him in this moment. He pressed himself awkwardly into a hug with Gamzee, weirdly and hilariously giving the highblood the impression that he wanted to cuddle._

 

Gamzee chuckled softly and put his arms around Karkat's middle, cuddling him back as he did so as he purred rather loudly.

 

_Even with this development, Karkat still felt as if there was something to fear. . ._


End file.
